the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my sisters under your porch take her home
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
FUCK WHALES
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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