sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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