I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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