Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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