I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
