You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Who died my cat blue again?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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