he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
