Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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