it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
