once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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