I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
