do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
