You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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