Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
