this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
