I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
