The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
