If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize