$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
