i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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