When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
