If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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