his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
