Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize