There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
