the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
