I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i think im in europe. pls send help
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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