Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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