What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
