if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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