I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
