very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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