i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
