Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
