have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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