I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize