That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
