when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
