I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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