I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's great music for shaving your balls
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
