I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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