I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
