I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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