take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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