You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
