I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
