and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
