no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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