Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
