i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
