i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
