i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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