I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize