You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
