I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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