It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the raccoons are back...
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