whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
