I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
