why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
