At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
