You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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