She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
and you fell through a lawn chair
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
