Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
