p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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